Getting that Pregnancy Kit to Say Positive: The Dread, The Workup and How I Learned to Love It

We had it all planned out. After a year of marriage, we will have our first baby. Easy-peasy right? But like most things, real-life is easier said than done. What we thought we could achieve in a snap took us almost two years and throughout that, a huge chunk was spent on having fertility workups. The experience of us as a couple having to do that was not only a complete shocker - who knew getting a baby was so hard? - it was literal work day-in and day-out. It was one of the most, if not the most, challenging experiences I have had in more than three years of marriage. Luckily we got through it - eventually. Here are the top tips I can give on how to get through it most unscathed:

Communicate as a Couple
This is cliché but there's a reason it is. Because it's crucial to have a working relationship and even more in trying to get your wife pregnant. Lucky for you if you get it the first try but if you don't, there's going to be so much pressure and if you eventually need to get a fertility workup, it's going to get worse. The workup is going to take that intimate and enjoyable moment and transform it into work. It's going to drag, going to be expensive, and worst of all, going to be routine. You need to do it at a specific window, date and, time. Talk about pressure for us men. There's a notion that everything is automatic but it isn't. Learn to talk to your wife about how to make it more interesting and easier for you. Do the same for her. As anything in a relationship, it's never a one-way street and this is one area you shouldn't never ever skimp on.

Communicate with your Family and Friends 
Another key area that had us cringing every time is when friends and family always asked about when's our first baby due. We get it - it's our parents' dream to get an "apo" (or grandkid in English) - and there's nothing we would want more to give that gift to them. But if you are having a hard time getting that bundle of life in place, this even dumps more pressure on you as a couple. On our end as men, talk to your side of family and friends. Give them an idea of your struggles and seek advice on how they can help you. With that, in place, the asking lessened and the love and support actually grew.

Be Open-Minded 

Speaking of my second tip, one other thing that I learned to love was getting referrals and tips you wouldn't even expect from my mom. That fertility workup was eating me up literally and at the lowest of my lows, I found "Hilot" and "Acupuncture" as life-savers. You may scoff at the idea of these alternative methods but they really helped me find relaxation and footing in a very crucial point in our journey. Even if they didn't have any serious medical proof of their efficacy, they at least led to my last and most important point.

Most of all, Stay Positive
I'm serious about this that the mind is powerful than you think - at least with my experience in this topic. I really believe that the negative thoughts and doubts I had in myself did the most damage in that span of  18 months or so of trying. It's not going to help if you make it worse by harboring negative thoughts. So how did I eventually get through it? Well it was probably a mix of letting go, prayer and, those alternative methods I mentioned above. All of those combined to help me trust, be happy, pressure-free, and positive. Eventually, we did get those two crucial lines to show up on that pregnancy kit.

Hopefully, you don't get to experience having trouble getting that baby. But if you do, just keep these tips in mind.